The Cooking with Link Show
by Topaz989
Summary: Link has given up being a hero and has embraced the culinary arts. Today's Menu will feature the bold country taste of Mushroom Kingdom Soup. This delicacy is rich and creamy with a unique blend of spices that will make any mouth water. an: GO COLTS!
1. Pika under Glass

The Cooking With Link Show: Today's Menu- Pika under Glass

_What's for dinner? _

_What do you think?_

_When you're cooking with the best with…Master Chef Link!_

The applause of the audience roared as the set in Studio 989 lit up. The audience, made up of the residence from all of the Nintendo providence, have gathered to witness another week of the hit TV show, "Cooking with Link".

The set itself was a simple décor with white walls and stain glass triforces in the background. Entering through a white door, the familiar hero of Hyrule struts his way, around the audience and finally back into the center of the stage.

He held his hands in the air and began to wave his hands down to signal to his adoring public. With that, the room quieted down and the spot light focused on Link.

"Hey how is everyone doing? Welcome to another edition of "The Cooking with Link Show" and I'm your host, Link. Today we are going to go a little more primitive for today's dish… Everyone has asked me… Link, what do you rely on when you are out saving Hyrule without your fancy cutting boards, slow cookers, or even an oven?" Link walked over toward a powder blue loveseat, crossed one leg over his knee and sat firmly down. "Folks think that I just slash, kill, and toss whatever over a fire. Everyone here knows that I strive for presentation in my culinary arts and so today, I will disprove that myth, and show all of you how to get a fine cuisine in the woods using nothing but a couple of common items that the average adventurer would carry." He turned toward the TV that was placed in the center of the stage. Picking up a small remote he started the video.

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Link faced the camera and pulled the lens at his face. The background was lush green forest with a long dirt path in the center. Several shrubs and spots of purple wild flowers dot the ground. "Here we are in the Viridian Forest located in the Kanto region. Me and my camera man Todd, who happens to be a resident of this region chose this area due to its frequent traffic of tourist and trainers. As you can see, there are plenty of insect Pokemon and each one, except for the venomoth can be eaten raw. However, our purpose today is to have a good meal, without all the specialty items to make it and to do that, we have to catch a creature known as a Pikachu."

He walked through some trees; the camera followed his every move. His eyes narrowed as he waved over and pointed to a cave and brought his voice into a frantic loud whisper. "CRIKEY! Look at that thing! That is the elusive Snorlax. There are only about four in the world, and to catch one on camera in its native habitat… isn't she a bute? Even better, the Snorlax has this relationship with the pikachu where it would go to this cave and keep carnivorous predators from attacking the pikachu while they attend their mating season here as well as creating a plot device that prevents trainers from going any further into the game. If you look down here, at these marks on the ground, the pikachu have already begun their mating season. This is from the electricity they generate. Fantastic to see, but it makes them dangerous to handle. The mating season should be almost over, but there should be one or two Pikachu crawling around here."

Link and Todd ducked into some brush and waited eagerly for any signs of life. Todd panned the camera back and forth while Link narrowed his eyes, anticipating the slightest hint of life. Suddenly, he felt the slight tap of Todd's finger on his shoulder and he turned to a lone oak tree. Todd turned the camera towards a lone yellow creature. Link's face bursts into euphoric glee as his hand moves into the scene pointing it out. Todd aimed the camera directly into Link's face.

"Now folks, here this is where it gets very tricky. Because Todd is an expert Pokemon photographer I'll let him explain the next step," whispered Link as he grabbed the camera and faced it toward the sunny red headed boy.

"Thanks, Link. Like any other animal, the best way to receive a positive reaction is to give it some food. A Pikachu's favorite treat would have to be red apples. We're in luck today because due apples being out of season, it will be a lot easier to attract its attention." Todd took a couple of the sweet red treats and tosses them perfectly in a clear area. The Pikachu made a mad dash toward them. Its lips purred into a sweet long smile. Its eyes glossed over its round crimson form before mowing down on it. Todd moved the camera back to Link's face again.

"Now, the point of the apples is to distract him as long as possible. If I tried to attack him earlier, it would either run away before my darts had any effect, or would see them and singe them into a burnt crisp." Link grabbed a long flute and placed a feathered dart at the end. With one quick blow, he nails the Pikachu in the rump. The pikachu darted its head up, but just returned back to eating the apple. A small giggle followed the two boys as they shot it up with thirty more darts. "I bet you are wondering why so many darts for such a small thing. Since the tranquilizer that I use doubles as a way to tenderize the flesh, I've mixed some teriyaki sauce with it. It's just a fun little way to marinade the little rodent."

The pikachu was fast asleep. Its long buck teeth still sunk into the apple.

Link and Todd ran up to the pikachu. Link picked it up and began to pet its needle covered body. He pulls off all the darts and cradles the little creature in his arms. "Now, we still have to be careful. Its still prone to extreme loud noises, so never let your guard down when handling these creatures." He placed the Pikachu down on the ground and pulled its skin. "The coolest thing about the Pikachu is their invulnerability to electricity. This is due to their thick pelt that starts off about as thin as a millimeter when they are a Pichu to about five centimeters as a Pikachu. However, there is one evolutionary flaw…"

Link placed the creature on the ground, took a small pocket knife and made a cut from behind its neck to the end of its tail. "Are you curious as to why there is blood? That's because the pelt is barely attached to the skin." Link trims around the neck and cuts the fur, leaving only the head exposed of any fur. "You can't cut off the head due to the electric sacs in its cheeks. I'm a dead man I allow the static to release all at once."

Link pulled out a pot and placed it in the ground. He grabs his canteen and dumps all the water out, filling the pot halfway with water. "At this point, I'd say to go out and use the local flowery and potatoes. However, I've already did that already." He grabs a bag and began to dump the vegetables in. "Now, we will sprinkle some paprika, a bit of sage, some sesame seeds… and a little clover on the top of his head." Link leaned down and took a small sniff. "Oh… so good… but now we have to cook it. I bet you are wondering why I left it alive. Well, as dangerous as a pikachu is, that doesn't mean we can't use this to our advantage."

Link and Todd stood back as Link pulled out a stone and pitches it directly on the side of the pot. Like the bell of a church on a Sunday morning, a loud clang followed. The Pikachu raised its short arms in the air.

"PIKACUUUUUUUUUUU-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" It screamed as the lighting came down and fried the electric mouse to death. Smoke steamed from the pot as the water boiled. The two boys danced around the pot as Link pulled out some pot holders and brought it to the camera.

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Link clicked the remote and took a moment to wait for the audience's applause to die down. "Now isn't that beautiful. Not only was the Pikachu cooked to perfection but it only took about five minutes to cook." Link waved his hand as Popo and Nana ran up with Pikachu under a glass cover with an apple in its mouth. "The best thing about cooking a Pikachu under its own lightning is that you can take it out of the pot, it serve it like any other meal. I suggest pairing it with some Sangria and…"

"YOU ATE MY PET!!!"

Link looked over towards the audience as an angry ten year old boy stomped down the stairs and towards the Hylian. "I didn't eat your pet. He's right here under the glass. Although, Popo did steal a thigh when I wasn't looking but…"

Ash reached out and summoned Charizard. The orange dragon's head roared in the air and blew fire at the Hylian. Link's eyes widened as he backed flipped out of the way and watched as the loveseat caught on fire.

"HEY! Better Homes and Gardens pay me a lot of money to feature their furniture on my show! And how the BEEP did you get a dragon inside a ball?" asked Link as the five second delay censored his Hylian language.

"It's called a Pokeball. That is how I keep him in. I have over 150. 151 if you hadn't KILLED my pet!"

Link raised his palms toward him. "Look, I'm sorry that your pet is delicio… dead. BUT, look at it from my perspective. In Hyrule, we don't HAVE grocery stores like the other provinces of Nintendo. I have to hunt every day and aim for animals like Pikachu who have libidos the size of bowling balls and tend to mate until starvation. I left that Snorlax alone, I'd leave that Charizard alone… and if it was wearing some sort of identification that signified that it was YOUR pet than I would've left it alone. You on the other hand keep 150 of those pets in tiny cramped balls? I have a cat at home and that alone takes up too much of my time. Besides, have some tail, its really good."

Link reached for the Pikachu and broke off jagged lightening piece. He hands it to Ash and holds out some cocktail sauce to dip it in.

Ash twisted his face as he took the offering and bit in. His face lit up as he turned to Link. "Hey, this is good."

Link placed his arm around him. "That's the spirit! Nana, give our guest a complimentary culinary knife set."

"Thank you, Master Chef Link. Say you wouldn't happen to have any recipes for Magnikarp, do you?"

"I sure do!" he smiled as he handed the sharp utensils to the boy. "Well folks, we are out of time now. Join us next week when we go and make some authentic Mushroom Kingdom Soup. Have a good night everyone." Link gave a quick salute as the lights dimmed with the audience applauding.

_What's for dinner? _

_What do you think?_

_When you're cooking with the best with…Master Chef Link!_


	2. Mushroom Kingdom Soup

**The Cooking With Link Show: Mushroom Kingdom Soup**

"Five minutes!" shouted Popo as he held a clipboard in his wool-knitted mitten.

"Thanks, Popo! I'll be out there as soon as your sister is done powdering my nose." Holding the February issue of his Martha Stewart magazine he opened it back to where his bookmark was in place. Link quickly looked down as he turned the next page to reveal a mouth-watering cake; decorated with cherries that ringed around each layer with white icing ribbons next to the velvety chocolate surface.

Nana dropped the powder puff and began to frantically point at the heavenly picture. Her small feet danced on the ground.

Link took note of this and leaned down to her level. "Do you like it?"

She frantically nodded.

"Alright, we can do it," Link winked once as the small Eskimo girl hugged him and gave a small kiss on his cheek. "Alright, now its time for me to go; okay hun?" Link turned toward a white door and waited for the jingle to play.

_What's for dinner?_

_What do you think?_

_When you are cooking with the best with… Master Chef Link!_

Link opened the door and appeared before a full crowd of Nintendo fans. He smiled as he walked over and began to walk through an aisle and shaking hands along the way. He slowly ran over toward the middle of the stage and waved his hands. The crowd grew quiet as he placed his hands upon hips.

"Hello! Welcome to the Cooking with Link Show and I am your host, Master Chef Link. How does everyone like our new set? After Charizard barbecued half the walls and the furniture, we were able to get our set designer to redesign our fabulous stage."

The walls were painted a light blue while paintings of boats, water, and sky dotted it. The furniture was replaced with two recliners made of dark cerulean leather; truly a rare skin indeed.

Link sat down in the left chair and turned his eye to Todd's camera.

"I'm proud as punch for all the hard work he and his team did. People don't realize how much effort they put into making The Cooking with Link Show one of Lifetime's top voted culinary show during their award's show. Thanks to them, we have managed to outdo our competitors The Kebler Kookie Kreations or the KKK every year. So let's give a hand for Snake, Fox McCloud and their assistant, Ninja-Puff."

Link gave a golf clap while turning his head to the side behind a curtain. Todd's hand rose in the air and pointed signaling all his camera assistants to turn their cameras to the operative and the bandana wielding Pokemon as they leaned against piece of ply board while smoking a cigarette. Fox looked up, folded his arms while Ninja-Puff gave a less than positive response to the sudden camera appearance.

"Ninja-PUFF! PUFF PUFF!" cried the pink creature as it tightened its fists and bore its teeth at the Hylian.

Link's brow rose in confusion.

"Snake, you're fluent in Jiggly, could you translate for our viewers on what your assistant just said?"

Snake closed his eyes, pulled the wrapped piece of tobacco out and flicked it to the side. "It said if you ruin her feng shui again, she'll kick your ass."

The Ninja-Puff pulled out a mini-machete and waved it viciously in the air; she then motioned its blade along its mouth and licked the blade with its pink tongue. "This is why you never attempt to neuter something and later find out it is female." Snake grunted as he grabbed it like a basketball and headed toward the break room.

Relaxing a little bit and straightening up his collar, link walked over to his kitchen area and stood before a metallic table. "Well, back on the subject of today's menu, while I was working for the title of Master Chef, one of my favorite areas of study would have to be the culinary culture of the Mushroom Kingdom."

His eyes closed while his body leaned on the counter's edge. "Aside from being a mushroom fan myself, I have discovered so many unique herbs and spices that are only native to the area itself. One recipe that truly stood out would have to be Mushroom Kingdom Soup. Quite possibly the most agonizing but delicious recipe I've had to master due to it needing extra precision in the ingredients. But, before I begin, one of my biggest fans had asked for tickets today. However, I took it a step forward. Everyone, please give a big hand to Princess Peach, my guest chef."

The lovely lady entered through the white door. Todd pointed his camera over to them as they smiled and blushed in embarrassment over the thunderous crowd. She walked over and hugged Link as she stood at his side.

"Oh Link, thank you for inviting us over. Me and Mario watch your show every week. I even try out each recipe!" spoke the frantic pink princess.

"You do? Well how did you like Pika under Glass?"

Peach touched her cheek in embarrassment. "It blew up."

Link placed his arm around her shoulder while throwing his head back in a hearty laugh. "Yeah, I've blown up a couple of Pikachu myself when I first started cooking. I am guessing you forgot to add the water? Don't worry it's a very common error that even I do a few times. Anyways are you ready to make your country's prime lunch time meal?"

She nodded and grabbed the blue apron that was on the table. Link took a pot and placed it on the stove. "Peachy-dear, can you grab the ingredients that are over on that shelf next to you?"

Peach nodded. Link placed a small list on the table. She looked down and read each one that would be found in the cabinet. After memorizing the list she graced over to the spice cabinet and began to pull out the herbs and other flavors from it. As she did so Todd panned the camera over each of the various greens, creams and vegetables that Link had laid out.

As Peach placed all of the necessary spices on the metal counter, she gazed upon the handsome Hylian hero as he read the expiration date on the milk. Link's body seemed so toned under his tunic. The sun had left a wonderful golden color upon his skin but his soft blonde hair radiated under Studio 989's lights while his blue eyes twinkled defiantly like a star upon a cloudy sky. He was a very beautiful and hopefully heterosexual man. She was star-struck.

"Peach, are you okay?" he whispered. Her eyes widened as she noticed that he was no longer standing by the fridge. Instead, his hands were on her arms while his head was merely inches behind her with his lips just a murmur away.

Her body felt so light at that moment.

Link came closer, "Listen, its okay, to be nervous. Is this your first time on television?"

She nodded. It wasn't the answer she wanted to say, but at this point, she couldn't say anything at all.

"I want you to take a moment to breathe; you'll be fine, okay. I know, it can be difficult at first, but just concentrate on me, pretend it's just us that are cooking the meal, and you won't even notice the audience."

Oh she will.

Link raised his hand in the air and began to signal to Todd before walking back to his position by the fridge. He responded and began to bark orders to continue filming again.

"The Cooking with Link Show Episode 49, take two!" spoke an intern as snapped the clip and ran off the stage.

Peach laid down each spice with care and looked up at the chef. His hand floated above various mushrooms before picking up the largest. "Welcome back to Cooking with Link, for those of you who just tuned in, we are preparing Mushroom Kingdom Soup. Besides the requirement of having perfect measurements, the mushrooms themselves must be properly prepared." He held the mushroom to his head as Todd focused on his close up.

"Each mushroom from the Mushroom Kingdom contains a film that prevents the breakdown of its structure. Should too much oxygen penetrate this film, it could become deadly. As you can see, I've picked out the healthiest of Kingdom Mushrooms due to its green polka dots. When the film breaks, the dots then convert to a reddish color. At this point the mushroom is not only eatable but can cause temporary surge in muscle growth. One fun little fact, the Chinese government had recently banned these suckers from the Beijing 2008 Olympics due to athletes using them as a substitute for steroids. However, if you leave the mushroom uneaten with a broken film for too long, the dots will finally change to purple. I strongly urge you to throw any mushrooms with purple away due to their cyanide-like taste. Now, Peach, be a sweetie and dice about a cup worth."

She did as she was instructed. As she carefully cut the fungus into perfect squares, Link's skillful hands had already sliced all the carrots, celery, potatoes and other three mushrooms at the beat of a professional tap dancer. His swordsmanship may have been renowned but his abilities to switch between various culinary knives and continue chopping without missing a beat were superb. She looked up from her mushroom and gasped at the already prepared and separated vegetables. "How did you?" she asked as she placed her knife down.

Link looked up with a gentle twinkle in his eyes. "Well, to be honest, most people don't know how to properly chop vegetables. Here, let me show you," he spoke as he placed his strong hands over her delicate graceful ones. She felt his fingers push hers downward repeatedly. Almost like magic, the stalk of asparagus was perfectly cut in paper thin pieces. She blushed as she watched the host continue to speak while placing all the vegetables in. He than added some heavy cream and began dashing the spices into the large slick pot. "Now, we must have that boil for about five minutes and in the meantime…" He raised his hand toward the princess and winked.

Peach giggled. She knew this show like the back her heart. "Oh Master Chef, what shall we pair it with?"

He placed his hands upon his hips and stood firmly. "I'm glad you asked! Well, for a day like this, I would normally recommend something subtle like Lemon tea with small bowl of persimmon cinnamon slices. However, because you are here today…" he knelt to the floor and opened the cabinet. His hands carefully reached in and picked it up. "… I thought it would be lovely if someone baked you a cake for a change." In his hands was a pearl white cupcake with strawberry frosting, whip cream, chocolate syrup and a cherry on top. "I'm sure you recognize this from Episode 12. I've simply made a smaller version just for you."

Peach ran over and hugged him, feeling the muscles of his warm chest and the beat of his kind heart. "Thank you! Thank you! This is the best day of my life!"

Link nodded. "Well I try to make every guest on here as welcomed as possible. Speaking of cakes, I would like to make a note to you viewers that it will be Popo and Nana, two of my favorite staff members' birthday is coming up. So next week's entrée will be the Edelweiss European Chocolate Supreme Cake at the request of the lovely Nana. Hmmm, you know five minutes should have passed so let's go check out our soup," he smiled as he motioned the camera crew to follow him over to the stove. Link walked over, grabbed a red oven mitt and used it to pull the handle off. He looked down at it and took a sniff of it. His face began to sour as he set the lid aside.

"Master Chef, what's wrong?" questioned Peach as she took a bite of her cupcake.

"It doesn't smell bad; actually it smells delicious, probably better than I ever did in Culinary School in Wisconsin," he murmured as his head drooped and his arms folded in thought.

"Is it done? Great! I'm so hungry! Krystal didn't pack anything for me this morning!" spoke McCloud as he ran over, and got a couple of spoonfuls.

Link looked over. "So how is it?"

McCloud nodded as he took a few more gulps. "Oh Master Chef, I love your Kingdom Mushroom Soup. This is honestly the best you've ever made it. What did you do differently?"

Link didn't answer.

PLOP

Link's face gazed over while Peach's turned bright white.

She walked over while covering her mouth. "Oh my goodness what happened!" she shrieked as she saw the pilot lying on the floor twitching. The crowd murmured to each other as Todd turned the cameras on stand-by.

Snake and Ninja-Puff walked upon the set, sniffing the air.

"Fox… die?"

"Well actually it looks more like a seizure…" replied Link as he cocked his eyebrow.

"NO! It SMELLS like FOXDIE!" he growled as Ninja-Puff bounced to his shoulder and held its blade with bloodthirsty eyes.

"Me-tal-Gear…" it questioned as it gripped the hilt tightly.

Snake's eyes darted to her. "No Ninja, not today."

Todd looked at Snake and Ninja-Puff in shock. "You actually taught that thing to say something other than Ninja-Puff?"

Snake closed his eyes and gave a low growl "It taught itself after listening to me for so long. Damn that day, it even sings it sometimes."

Link walked over towards his spices. He knew all his vegetables were fine. He opened each container and brought each one to his nose. He picked up the last one and examined the label. He then stuck his fingers inside and tasted the flavor. "This isn't Paprika… IT'S CHILI POWDER!" he shouted as he threw the glass bottle and shattering it upon the marble surface.

Peach placed her hand on her chest and began to heave. "Oh Link, I'm so sorry I didn't…"

Link placed his hand on her shoulder. "Hey, it's okay, you didn't do anything. Someone sabotaged my spice rack… but who?"

"The KKK?" asked Peach.

"Sony?" Todd mumbled looking around.

"The La-Li-Lu-Le-Lo?" barked Snake as he began to start up his codec to Otocon.

Link's eyes motioned to the cabinet as a small chattering could be heard. He reached over and grabbed the handle and opened it revealing the perp.

Peach gasped. "Mario?" The plumber crawled, knocking over the plastic cups inside. Her face fumed with anger while her fist tightened. "HOW COULD YOU! DID YOU DO THIS!?!"

Mario hid his face and turned away from the group. "I'm-ah sorry."

"Mario, this isn't like you. Why did you mess up the soup?" asked Link as he guided Mario over to the two chairs.

The plumber crawled into the seat and leaned his head against his hand. "Every week, me and-ah Peach would-ah watch your show. All I hear is her, a talking of ah…ah ah dreamy you were. When I-ah heard you had, invited her, I couldn't stand it. Look at me. I'm-ah fat and-ah short and-ah you are tall and-ah toned like-ah Peyton Manning and his-ah laser rocket arm," he murmured as he hid his face in his hands.

Link reached over and patted his back.

Peach walked over to Mario's side. "Oh Mario, I would never leave you. You have been saving me for a long time and have always been there for me. I love you, Mario."

A tear rolled down the plumber's face. "Oh-ah Peach, will you forgive me?"

"Of course," she said as she kissed him. The studio crowd roared into a standing applause as the two Mushroom Kingdom residents hugged each other.

Link smiled as he reached into his pocket and handed them a couple of coupons for a free dinner for two at Chef Kirby's restaurant.

Mario took them and looked up. "Master Chef, do you forgive me for your-ah soup?"

"Hey, it's no big deal. I'm sure Fox will wake up in an hour or two. Besides, at least you didn't switch it with thyme. I'm still settling my lawsuits from Raccoon City."

Link stood up and walked toward the middle of the stage. "Well folks, that's it for this episode. Remember, love one another, and take the time to say something good about those you care the most. Goodnight."

_What's for Dinner?_

_What do you think? _

_When you are cooking with the best with… Master Chef Link!_

Later in the break room…

"MMM, THAT'S DAMN GOOD!" mumbled Snake as he pulled the tail from the fire and bit into it.

"…Uhhh my head….OH MY GOD!" Fox said as he began to regained consciousness.

Snake turned toward Ninja-Puff as it nibbled the bit of meat at the end of its blade. "I thought you said he was dead?"

"…pufffffff," she cackled wickedly.


End file.
